Valentine’s Day is on Sunday, February 14th.
St. Valentine's Day began as a liturgical celebration of one or
more early Christian saints named Valentinus. Saint Valentine's Day is an
official feast day in the Anglican Communion, as well as in the
Lutheran Church. Valentine's Day or the Feast of Saint Valentine
is also a celebration of love observed in many countries around the world,
although it is not a public holiday in most.
The day was first associated with romantic love in the circle of
Geoffrey Chaucer in the High Middle Ages, when the tradition of courtly love
flourished. In 18th-century England, it evolved into an occasion in which
lovers expressed their love for each other by presenting flowers, offering
confectionery, and sending greeting cards (known as "valentines").
Anyway, that’s all good and well.
So, let us talk about romance, love and sex. Let us talk about why
wearing a condom can be extremely bad for you on Valentine’s Day.
Have some fun
So I was at the
doctor's clinic the other day with my farting problem. I explained it to him,
"I fart all the time!! But the good part is that they are silent and they
don't smell, so nobody knows. Ever since I stepped into your clinic, I have
farted about 20 times and nobody noticed." He gave me some medicine and
told me to come after a week.
A week later I went
fuming to his office... "What kind of medicine was that? Now my farts
stink like hell!!... The good thing is that they are still silent so nobody
knows I did it." The doctor calmly replied, "Okay, so your nose
infection is cleared. Next, I will give you medicine for your ears......."
Prevention of infection
For those who have
ears, please listen carefully. Condoms prevent sexually transmitted infection.
You have to wear it BEFORE sexual intercourse and be strict about not allowing
bodily fluid from your partner anywhere near your sex organ. It prevents
infections like the usual Gonorrhoea, Herpes, Herpatitis B and C, Syphilis and
of course, HIV.
But, why would you
want to do that?
The thing about not
using protection is that you risk catching an infection or of course, you risk
passing an infection to your partner. Don’t forget that our bodies are vastly
different and a germ that may be local and friendly to you (not giving you any
symptoms or problems) may be dangerous to your partner. So, using a condom
protects you and your partner.
If you don’t want to
protect yourself, then you are playing the game, ‘Passemon’. The sexually
transmitted infection trading game! This game is a new craze that is sweeping
bedrooms across nations! Have you got Chlamydimander? How about Herpesaur? Or
even Gonococcus? Collect and swap them now with your friends! Gotta catch ‘em
all!
So, Valentine’s Day
is a great time to catch as many infections as possible. It will guarantee a
visit to the doctors in March with a nasty urinary tract infection, a cold
sore, itchy vagina full of smelly discharge, a penis clothed with warts and a
possible positive HIV test.
The joys are endless!
Have more fun
Valentine’s
Day could be the best, most romantic and funniest ever so long as you do not
let it go to your head. Lose your heart but don’t lose your head. You should be
smart and avoid situations that lead to problems when morning comes. Take this case for example. A chap thought it would
be pretty funny putting a pin through all of his best friends’ condoms. It did
seem like a good idea at the time. Unfortunately, it seriously backfired when
he found out his own wife was pregnant.
Prevention of pregnancy
Wearing
a condom on Valentine’s Day could be an effective way of preventing pregnancy
and therefore limiting your chances of having a baby by Christmas. A December
baby is rather special and likely to be called, ‘Abiodun’, just like yours
truly. Well, some studies have suggested that babies born around November and
December are better behaved and more intelligent that those born in the summer
months. Perhaps, even more handsome!
Scientists
at both Harvard and Queensland (Australia) universities took a look at the
statistics and found that children born in November and December tended to be
longer at birth than those born in the summer, and what's more, by age 7, the
winter-born kids were heavier, taller, and had larger head circumference than
their peers. Okay, that means if you want to give birth to an astronaut or a
rocket scientist, ditch the condom in February and March.
Happy
Valentine’s Day, people!
NB: The morning after pill is currently the safest way to prevent
pregnancy after unprotected sexual intercourse or contraception failure, with
low incidence of side effects. It is very unlikely that you will have any
serious or long term side effects after taking it. If you do want to prevent
having a December baby, then rush to your local chemist on Monday 15th
and get ‘Postinor’.
Next time, I will write about urinary tract infections and how you can manage them
in the comfort of your own home.
