Golf, sex and back surgery

I saw her at the airport

Splendid in white

I went up to her and said,

‘If you are not too busy,

We could spend all day having sex’

She slapped me and walked away….

Twenty minutes later, she came back,

She stood very close and said,

‘Did you mean that?

I was still smarting from the slap

My face red with insult

I moved to rub my face and

My hands accidentally touched her breasts

‘No’, I said

She looked at me and pursed her lips

‘Your loss’, she said

Then knocked me on the head

I said, ‘You are a hard woman’

She said, ‘I wish you were; hard, that is’

I said, ‘If your heart was as soft as your breasts’

She said, ‘If your penis is as hard as your head’

I had no reply to that

Her stare was penetrating

My face was smarting

I tried to distract the attention

‘I am off to Portharcourt to watch a golf competition’, I said

She laughed heartily and then said,

‘Did you hear about the golfer with a hard-on who ran into a wall?’

‘He broke his nose’ she finished.

‘Golfers talk about a hole in one’

‘Instead of putting one in the hole’

Then she laughed heartily at her own private joke

I did not find it funny, of course

Perhaps she thought I was a golfer

Golf, I hear is addictive

Truth be told, I hate anything addictive

So, is Salsa dancing, by the way?

All the twists and turns with a girl

I gave up salsa when I started dancing in my sleep!

Does things to your head, it does

Anyway, back to the subject at hand

I invited her to have a drink with me

She said, ‘Man, we are in the airport’

‘No alcohol before breakfast’

But, we did go and have coffee instead

I had Coffee and croissants,

In case you were wondering.

She asked for eggs

I said, ‘How do you like your eggs in the morning’

‘Totally unfertilized’, she said

She got the joke and

We got on famously.

Turns out she is headed to PH too

Oh well, what a flight this would be!

 

We were on an Arik flight

Sat side by side

And boy, it left on time

Got to Portharcourt no problem

And then returned to Abuja

Something about the landing lights!

Landed alright in Abuja

Then, off we were again to PH

3 hours with the same woman

I didn’t know I could last that long!

In flight, no entertainment

And damn shitty food

I asked her, ‘Would you have time to play around in PH’

‘No’, she said, ‘I don’t like golf’

‘Around, not a round’, I said

‘I know’, she said

I suppose golf is akin to sex

Once you get a hole in one

You keep trying again

Periods of euphoria

Mixed with depression

I hear golfers wear two pants

Just in case they get a hole in one

But, I digress!

We got to PH

And the golf club celebrating a tournament

Men walking straight

Women walking lopsided

Perhaps reflecting the swing of the golfers!

Hahaha, wedges and slices

Swings and puts!

I was here to talk about spine

Spine surgery actually

In the heart of the Garden City

No need to go to America

If you need spine surgery

The Tiger example all too real

Local advice and expertise

Now available on & off the golf course

With massage and physio

From the lady in white

Who has soft fingers,

And a dirty mouth!

Not that I would know!

Though we did spend all day together

Learning all about golf

And a hole in one!

Spine surgery in PH

Patients who have severe back and leg pains due to arthritis of the spine may be offered back operation. Spine operations are more commonly used to treat lower back pain resulting from a damaged or degenerate intervertebral disc (the shock absorber between the bones), or spondylolisthesis (slip of one bone on the other). The goal here is to stabilise the spine so that pain (and sometimes deformity) is reduced.

Operations are also used to treat lower leg pain resulting from pressure on a nerve or nerves in the back. The goal then is to free the nerves from pressure and so stop pain, numbness and weakness in the legs. Surgery is usually recommended when all reasonable conservative measures (pain medications, nerve injections, physical therapies, braces etc.) have failed. It is often the last resort unless there are special circumstances like severe nerve injury that makes it the number one priority.

So if you need a back operation: The operations can be performed safely in PH, Nigeria. Be clear in your mind that you have exhausted all other reasonable treatments such as weight loss, regular exercise (golf?), medication and even meditation. Be prayerful and trust in your surgeon for a successful outcome. Have no fear and trust in God to heal you.

Or trust in golf and the lady in white!

I get it!

I was in Portharcourt recently and heard a program on the radio, discussing the difference between schooling and education. The presenters were asking listeners for their comments on the above and it made a very interesting program.

Is schooling different from getting an education? Are they the same? Education is the process of facilitating learning, or the acquisition of knowledge, skills, values, beliefs, and habits. Educational methods include storytelling, discussion, teaching, training, and directed research. Is it much more than just ‘book’ or school? In fact, Mark Twain said, ‘I refuse to let schooling get in the way of my education’.

I get it!

I get the fact that there is a big difference between going to school and getting an education. School for instance teaches you things you need to remember for passing the exams and getting out of school with a paper qualification. However, the education you get (in school) teaches you things you need to learn for improving your life! Tom Bodett said, ‘In school, you’re taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you’re given a test that teaches you a lesson’

.

Further, school can be boring for some and a downright killer of creativity if you let it. You would remember many people who simply come to school to while away the time. They do not see the need for school in many situations because they do not comprehend the educational aspect of school. For some, school is a waste of time! Some people pass through school while school passes through others. There lies the rub. Both sets go to school but only one gets an education. 

Take some of our schools for instance. The situation where you are made to buy hand-outs from lecturers and return the answers to him/her verbatim for a pass does not lend itself to real self-examination and an understanding of the subject matter. The reason why many of our graduates cannot speak, write or actually function in the market place is that they have simply gone through school without getting educated. They have not been stimulated to think and appreciate the depth of knowledge gained.

I get it!

Education is personal and an application of what you may have learnt in school. Education opens the mind and allows you to soar past your present capabilities. Education is most important because it expounds the mind: developing it. Education is actually what sustains learning and is life-long: if you apply it. Education prepares you for life after school. You therefore cannot and should not stop learning. In effect, education is life and is for life!

In fact, Epictetus wrote that, ‘it is impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows’. The fact that many in the work place cannot flourish, expand the role, add quality to the business is because of a closed mind: uneducated. Sadly, many do not even appreciate the depths of their ignorance as they brandish insignificant certificates. In many situations, you have to spoon feed graduates and guide them on the job every day, till you tire!

I get it!

Gloria Steinem said, ‘The first problem for all of us, men and women, is not to learn, but to unlearn. See the situation with doctors, Malaria and Typhoid? Many doctors are treating everything as Malaria. Too many are still treating Malaria without testing. Yet, affordable test kits are readily available at affordable cost. The computer is stuck on Malaria!

Another great thinker, Clay Bedford, explains this very well, ‘You can teach a student a lesson for a day; but if you can teach him to learn by creating curiosity, he will continue the learning process as long as he lives’. This may explain why we still have poorly schooled and poorly educated artisans. Many plumbers, carpenters and mechanics remain so bad you wonder what they have learnt. Simple fixes are turned into disasters with mistakes repeated day in, day out!

I get it!

My father used to say, ‘I have told you that fire burns, and you have not listened. No problem, if you want to get burnt, I will hold your hand to the fire’! In so many circumstances, he allowed us to experience life and learn from it. According to James Baldwin, ‘Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them’. I did that to my children too, teaching them, then allowing them to experiment and get the experience. Tell me and I’ll forget; show me and I may remember; involve me and I’ll understand. Chinese proverb

I get it!

Learning can be hard though and a tough lesson stays with you for life. According to a smart man, education is the progressive discovery of our own ignorance. If you cannot fathom that you are ignorant, it is difficult to improve in life. The whole of life is education. Each day should be a clean slate, ready for more learning in our journey through life. Education frequently takes place under the guidance of educators, but learners may also educate themselves. There is a big difference between schooling and education.

So, start with your own education today: if you get it!

To whom honour is due (Dr Bennet Omalu)

Respect

I have the greatest respect for Dr Bennet Omalu, a Nigerian medical doctor in the USA who was recently recognised and honoured for his tenacity and steadfastness in the performance of his job. A forensic neuropathologist, Dr Omalu recognised and diagnosed a condition now called Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy (CTE) in American football players in 2002. The condition can be reasonably called Punch Drunk Disease, if you like.

Punch Drunk Disease

This disease happens to people who have suffered repeated brain injuries during the game of American football. Now, hope you know that American football is not the same as our football! In fact, they call our own type of football, American Soccer!

But, this punch drunk disease can also occur in other sports such as boxing where there are repeated blows to the head. Effectively, these are small concussions to the brain causing minor brain injuries that accumulate over time. These minor concussions lead to headaches, personality changes, worsening attention, concentration and memory problems. The symptoms are slow in onset, sometimes occurring more than 10 years after the injuries. It has been reported that about 1.6 million to 3.8 million concussions occurring each year, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in the USA.

Huge problem

Anyway, let us not digress from the issue at hand. Dr Omalu made the diagnosis and it has now been confirmed by postmortem examination in dozens of American athletes. However, that belies the anguish and humiliation he had to endure from the system. You see, after the initial discovery, Dr Omalu, overcame massive efforts by the establishment, both medical and within the football organisation (National Football League, NFL), to discredit him and his research.

CTE

Dr. Omalu was working in Pittsburgh when he conducted postmortem examinations of former NFL offensive lineman Mike Webster’s brain and spotted what would become the hallmarks of CTE. He looked at the brain of the man and saw things that he had never seen or read about before. The brain was like that of a man suffering from Alzheimer’s disease but at the wrong age and without the usual clinical features of Alzheimer. 

Dr Omalu said, "I spent six months with those slides. I saw tau randomly situated, and not reminiscent of any other dementia that I knew. My first reaction, when I went to the literature, was that I expected to find previous reports like this, but I didn’t find even one.” He had the case published in 2005 and went on to identify CTE in postmortem examinations of numerous other former NFL players.

Abuses

Dr. Omalu initially thought the league would be pleased to learn of his findings, but when they were presented at an NFL meeting on concussions in 2007, they were dismissed, and the league—through lawyers, physicians and other experts—went on to mount a coordinated effort to discredit Dr. Omalu and his research. The man was tormented!

The root of all evils

The major reason for this is mainly money. The NFL has a huge turn over in Millions of Dollars which was threatened if parents stop their children from playing American Football. In fact, many careers and business dependent on the business might be affected in what is essentially a great American pastime. So, the findings of the research especially by someone not from America were inimical to the history and financial success of the multi-million Dollar business.

At the time, the Nigerian-born Dr. Omalu was not a U.S. citizen, and his immigration status was dependent on his continued employment. He stuck to his findings in the face of intense pressure, and in 2009—seven years after his discovery—the NFL relented and publicly acknowledged the link between concussions sustained in football and CTE.

Real Honour

Dr Omalu was recently recognised and celebrated by the American Medical Association, AMA. The AMA gave him their highest award, the Distinguished Service Award, at a ceremony recently.

“Because of the service Dr. Omalu has rendered to every player and every family member in the football and other sporting communities, I am delighted to present him, on behalf of the AMA, with—our highest honor,” AMA President Andrew W. Gurman, MD, said in a statement. “His meritorious service is all the more remarkable given that Dr. Omalu was relatively junior at the time of his discovery, having only completed his pathology residency a few years prior to describing CTE.”

Dr. Gurman said he strongly believes “that Dr. Omalu—by his work, determination and dedication—strongly exemplifies the best of American medicine.”

Dr Omalu in Hollywood

The story of Dr. Omalu’s CTE research and the pressure he faced from the NFL inspired the 2015 film “Concussion,” in which he was portrayed by Will Smith. The film was well regarded in Hollywood but had little box office success. Released by Columbia Pictures, in December 25, 2015, the film was considered a commercial disappointment, grossing just $48 million on its $35 million budget, according to Wikipedia.

Regardless, Dr Omalu is a celebrity and deserves all the accolades for his dedication and service to humanity. I spoke to him sometime back before the film was released when we wanted to use his picture to promote the NMA meeting in Abuja. A gentle well-spoken man, he did not want the publicity which now seems totally unavoidable.

More grease to your elbows, Dr Omalu!